My best friend and I gave her cousin oral sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and I have a problem. It has been bothering me. When I was 16 years old, I went to spend the weekend with a friend. She was my best friend, so my parents always allowed her to come and stay with me at our house. We studied together and did a lot of things together. We were so close that I even allowed her to wear my underwear one weekend when she was at our house and her period came suddenly.

One weekend when I went to her house, her male cousin came over. He likes music. Her parents were there, but we were on our own. We started to play music softly, and we were drinking. But her parents didn't know what was going on. I was feeling a little tipsy so I laid across the bed, but I was not sleeping.

This guy came on the bed, too, and was telling me that he loves me. My girlfriend started to laugh and said that he always tells her that he loves me. He started to remove my blouse and play with my breasts. My friend started to laugh and say to him that I am only pretending, because I love him too. She unbuttoned my pants and unbuttoned her pants, and her cousin started to touch both of us. The guy took out his penis, and he asked the both of us to have oral sex with him. Both of us did.

We did not have sexual intercourse, but we had oral sex. This guy stuck on to me after the ordeal. I am attending university, and he is there too. A group of us were eating together, and he whispered to me and asked me if I remember the good time we had. I told him that I should have reported him. I have a boyfriend, and this guy knows him. I am afraid that he might tell my boyfriend what we did, because he chats a lot.

This girl and I are still good friends. I told her what he asked me, and she said she would talk to him about it. My boyfriend and I have never had oral sex. This guy has lots of girls, and he believes that no girl should reject him. How can I handle this thing?

S.E.

Dear S.E.,

Your friend should not have allowed her cousin to be in the same room with both of you. And even if he had come into the room and she saw what he was doing, she should have protected you. She should have told him to leave. Why would you all be drinking? Alcohol can break down inhibitions. Sometimes when girls are in groups and sleep over, they open themselves to all sorts of immoral behaviour.

Please, don't misunderstand me. Sometimes when young people sleep over and are supervised, it can be very healthy. But young people should never be left alone so that they could get themselves into trouble.

I want to believe that what you drank con tributed to your behaviour on that night. You said you got tipsy, and this guy took advantage of the situation. You were not drunk. You know what you were doing, but you didn't have full control of yourself.

Although this guy mentioned it to you recently, it is unlikely that he would raise that with your boyfriend. What would be the reason for him to do so? You have spoken to his cousin about it, and she promised to speak to him about it. Whenever you are able to, ask her whether she had done so. Insist that she talks to him about it. Please, do not allow this thing to affect your studies. But, let what happened to you teach you a lesson - keep away from drinking and do not wholeheartedly trust all men, because some men are grossly immoral and they don't respect women.

Pastor