My mom made me get an abortion

Dear Pastor,

I'm writing to tell you that I'm so confused and I don't know what to do. My mom had me do an abortion. I know she did it because she wanted me to do well. I got pregnant when I was 15, and my mother got me to do an abortion. Since then, I've been really disrespectful and hard to handle. I see clearly that it is hurting my mother because, since of late, she feels that she did something that caused me to be so bitter towards her.

Honestly, I love my mom to death. I don't know why I've been doing all these things after the abortion, but I can't seem to stop. Whenever I go to school, I don't attend classes. Sometimes I even leave home for school, carrying clothes in my bag to change out of my uniform and not going to school. I will even lie to my mother and anybody else who asks me about school. My mom cries almost every night. I know that she is hurting, and I don't know what to do. I tried talking to her, but she keeps telling me that she is OK, and I know she is not.

I just can't seem to stop being disrespectful towards everybody since that happened. Pastor, what should I do? I really need your advice.

T.F.

Dear T.F.,

You say that you have tried talking to your mother, but what are you trying to tell her? I believe that you should confront her about the abortion, and you should tell her how you feel about it. You should also tell her that since the abortion, you resent her, and you blame her for everything that has happened. Tell her that you want to learn to forgive her because you love her.

I want you to realise that although your mother would be disappointed in you for your not doing well in school, ultimately, you would suffer more. It is you who would have to bear the shame to know that you have wasted precious time. You were not wise, and you cannot ever regain the time that you have lost, no matter how hard you may try.

It is unfortunate that your mother had you terminate a pregnancy. Many parents encourage their young girls not to carry the pregnancy because they feel that it would keep back the girls from studying or from the career of their choice. They also feel that it would bring disgrace on the family. But what they fail to understand is that, very often, the girls who have abortions are tormented mentally, emotionally and physically.

I therefore suggest that you change your attitude towards your mother and towards everybody. The life you destroyed cannot return, so talk to your mother about it and tell her how you feel. You may even suggest to her that you will like you and her to go and see a family counsellor. Stop pretending as if you are going to school. You know you are not. You are going to be sorry if you continue to pretend and waste precious time. You are hurting yourself and wasting your future.

Pastor