A dream made him think I gave him a ‘jacket’

Dear Pastor,

This is not the first time I am writing to you. I continue to read your column and I listen to the family members at nights. I am 25 years old, and I have 3 children. My second and third children are for the same father. The last child is a mistake. When this man and I got together, I did not know that he was married. It was after I got pregnant that I found out that he was married. I couldn't do anything about it. I had already introduced him to members of my family. He took care of me. He paid for everything. I kept it a secret from members of my family. He did not want his wife to know.

One day, all of a sudden, he asked me if I was sure that the child is his. I asked him why he has doubts, and he said that he dreamt that he saw me having sex with a man. But in the dream, he couldn't see the man's face. So he wanted to know if I had another man with him.

I was so upset. I did not talk to him for weeks. His wife found out that he had this outside child, and she came to my workplace to talk to me about it. I told her I was sorry. She wanted to see the child, and I arranged for her to see the child one Saturday when I was going to the supermarket. I told her the time that I would be at the supermarket. She came and looked at the child, and said it is his child, and she went away.

I decided that I wouldn't have anything more to do with this man, but I didn't keep my word. I got pregnant again for him. Now, his wife says that I am doing everything to take him away from her, and he is not giving the amount of money he should give me per week to support the children. All the money I make, I have to spend on them. Sometimes I feel I am going crazy because life is so hard.

Please, give me your advice.

R.T.

Dear R.T.,

I suggest that you take this man to court for child support and that you put the matter in the hands of a lawyer. Don't go to court alone. Fight him because he is a liar, and it is likely that he will beat you to it in court. When you go to court, you should speak the truth. Some women would do so much better if they told the truth when they go to court for child support.

I don't need to remind you that you have been very careless. Married men lie all the time by telling women they wish to be involved with that they are not married. You should not be blamed for the lies this man told you. But you were careless because you knew that you had a child, and if you were determined to have sex with this man, you should have protected yourself. Mistakes were made, but don't allow this man to get away from not supporting his children. Take him to court.

Pastor