Sister’s boyfriend took my virginity

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I have a matter that I would like to talk to you about. I have a steady boyfriend now, but when I was growing up, I never kept a steady boyfriend. I started to have sex when I was 15 years old. I have two other sisters - one is older and the other is younger. My older sister's boyfriend took my virginity, but I never said anything to anybody. He used to come to the yard to visit my sister. Everybody in the family knew him.

One day I was there alone, when he brought patties for her. He was driving his company's vehicle. He was waiting for her, and then he asked me if I wanted the patties because he would give them to me and come back to see my sister at another time. I took the patties from him, and then he told me how I looked pretty and he always admired me. He went away. But soon after, he called me and asked if my sister was back, and I told him no.

BROUGHT MORE PANTIES

In a few minutes, he came back and brought some more patties. He said that I should give those to her. He asked me if I ever had sex, and I told him no. He asked me for sex, and I told him that I was afraid. He told me to think about it for another time.

Four months after, I needed a pair of sneakers and he bought it for me. He told me that I should not tell my sister. When I went to get it from him, he took me to his grandmother's house and had sex with me. I never told anybody.

My father had a son who didn't grow up with us. One night, the people next door to us had a wake, and he slept at our house. All of us slept together. My half-brother had sex with me. I was over 16 at that time. When I couldn't get money to buy the things I needed as a girl, guys gave me money to buy them, including one of the men who was friendly with my mother, but we did not have sex.

Now, I have changed my life, and I have this boyfriend who is asking me all kinds of questions about my past. The more I tell him, is the more he wants to know. I told him that I would hate him if he does not stop asking me personal questions. Should I tell him about my half-brother? He says he wants us to get married, but he wants a perfect girl.

E.T.

Dear E.T.,

There is no perfect woman anywhere, and I am suggesting to you now that you should not tell this man what you have done. You cannot change the past. This man has to love you the way you are now. He has to accept you. You shouldn't be required to tell him every aspect of your past life. You may tell him that you are not a virgin if he doesn't know that already, but you are not obligated to tell him how you lost your virginity. It is foolish men who love to ask women about their past. That is so very embarrassing. You should be prepared to tell this man to get lost.

I know that many people will not agree with me, but that's their problem. What your brother did was wrong, and what the other guy did was wrong, but you can't change that. What is important is what you do with your life right now. So trust the Lord, pray, read your Bible and go to church.

Pastor