I think of suicide every day

Dear Pastor,

I am writing this letter as I am deeply stressed and in need of financial help. I am 20 years old. I have been reading your column from I was 12 years old.

I am currently a university student; my tuition is being funded by the Students' Loan Bureau. I am writing to you because I need your help.

Sometimes I feel like giving up because most times I don't have the bus fare to go to school. Most times I go to school without eating.

I live with my mother, but she doesn't have it to give me. She sells goods sometimes, but she doesn't make much from it.

I am currently unemployed. I have sent out many applications and resumes but I haven't gotten any calls. I am a very hard-working individual. I take my studies seriously.

Pastor, due to my financial situation and living condition, I have been suffering from depression for many years. At times, I want to commit suicide.

Each time I try, I fail in everything I do. I have even reached to the point where I tied a rope around my neck. I've swallowed multiple pills trying to end my life, but it didn't work out.

I believe I have a purpose in life, but most times I get discouraged. I'm extremely stressed. At one point, I was thinking of going to the Kingston waterfront and drown myself, but I feel if I take my life, my mother would be in great pain.

I really want to help her financially but I am under great stress. Most times I am at home and I am very hungry. I feel so weak at times - emotionally, mentally and physically.

My body feels dead. I think about taking my life every single day. There's not one day in which I don't think about taking my life.

I am in need of a job. I am willing to work. If there's any one out there that can help me, please do, I beg of you. I would be grateful pastor, please help me.

I am typing with tears in my eyes. Please reply to me. I am literally at my ending point. I don't know what to do. I am hurt, confused, abused and broken.

H.B.

Dear H.B.,

You need to make an appointment to see a psychologist. Your problem is much more than getting help to attend university.

I am not here saying that you don't need financial help, but right now, you don't talk as someone who is stable. You need professional help. A psychologist will help you.

Many students are faced with financial problems, but they have to fight to get through their studies, and some who are having the most difficult times do very well.

Nobody is obligated to help you, so while I sympathise with you and would love to see you get help, I believe you have to deal with your state of mind, because even if you were to get help to pay your fees, you may still fail your exams.

So, please, go to your family doctor and ask him to refer you to a psychologist or a family counsellor. I will be praying for you.

Pastor