I love my man more than cooked food

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I have been living with a man since I was 18 years old. When I started to live with him, I told him that I was 19 going on to 20. He told me that I talk like a mature person, so if I want to live with him I could come. He said that he had a girlfriend, but she left for America and it didn't seem as if she was coming back for a long time. However, she left all her clothes.

I decided that I will take the chance with him because I needed help, and I had a little child to support and the father was not helping me. My mother said that she would keep the baby. This man took me in with my bag and a few things. I said I would try it for one week. The one week became two weeks, and two weeks went on to three months. I went for my baby to spend some time with me, and he told me the child could stay for two weeks but not longer.

After the two weeks, I took back the child to my mother. The man helped me to get a job. One evening I went home and I was tired, so I went to bed. Somebody knocked, and I answered the door. It was the man's girlfriend. She asked me who I was, and I told her that I was the man's friend. She said that I had no right to be there. She said she heard that he had a girlfriend, so she surprised him by coming. She said I should let her in, and I told her no.

The landlord came out and told her that she should not make any noise because I couldn't be there by myself and without the man's permission. The landlord took her in at her side until my boyfriend came.

When my boyfriend came, he took me to my mother's house and stayed there with me. This girl said that she was going to kill me. She is still at the house, and my boyfriend has been staying with me at my mother's house since then. I don't know what to do because I love this man more than cooked food.

Please, tell me what to do.

A.T.

Dear A.T.,

It seems to me that this man might be speaking the truth. This woman went to North America and stayed longer than she originally planned, and her man did not know when she would return. You have not said whether you believe that he was lying. She probably took this man for granted.

You went back to your mother's house, and he has followed you. This woman is probably expecting him to come back to her, and he is not going back to her. If you believe that this man genuinely loves you and he is not going to return to this woman who has literally given him away by overstaying her time in America, I would tell you to stay put and don't allow what she is saying to disturb you.

However, you have to be careful. It appears to me that he means you well. You can suggest to him that both of you see a family counsellor and discuss the matter with him or her. In the meantime, do not allow this man to get you pregnant, and try your very best not to get into any argument with the woman that he used to live with.

I wish you the very best in life. Don't condemn yourself for getting involved with this man. You haven't done anything that other women would not do. The man showed you that he was available, and both of you got together, and that is natural.

Pastor