My man refuses to get counselling

June 16, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am a 29-year-old woman. I have been a Christian from I was 10 years old. I am active in my church. I teach Sunday school and I sing on the choir. I am having a problem.

Two years ago I became involved with a man. He treats me very well, especially now that I am out of a job. He wants us to get married and I would love to marry him but he loves to have his own way. I would love to get married in my church but he doesn't care where we get married. It could be under a tree for all he cares. He is 10 years older than I am but that is not a problem.

I told him that we should go for premarital counselling but he said he does not see the need for that. I told him that counselling is necessary. He said I could go on my own because no counsellor is going to tell him what to do. My pastor says that he will not do our wedding unless we come in for premarital counselling. I am concerned because I really want my pastor to do our wedding. We are supposed to have four sessions of premarital counselling. My pastor says he would double up and do two sessions in one, and I told my boyfriend about it and he said he is not coming to see him at all. He said the pastor needs counselling himself. This man is a businessman and I don't want to lose him. My birthday is in July and he has promised to give me a car for my birthday. Please tell me what to do.


Dear D.R.,

If you were to marry this man, you should prepare yourself from now to have problems with him. He is not the type of person who would listen to a woman and he believes that counselling is not necessary. He does not respect your minister and that is why he said your minister needs counselling himself. You should not cross the line. You should take heed to the warning of scripture to not be unequally yoked to an unbeliever, and you should not allow this man to believe that because he has some money, he can do whatever he likes while he is in a relationship with you. He does not respect the fact that you are a Christian. Although you have not mentioned it in your letter, I feel that this man is not a Christian. Put your foot down. Let him know that unless he goes for premarital counselling, you will not marry him. Take it from me, young lady, this man does not respect your opinion. I see trouble on the horizon. He has promised to give you a car for your birthday. Put your cards on the table now and don't allow him to bribe you by buying you a car.


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