Boyfriend insists that I get pregnant before marriage
I am a 30-year-old woman and I am in love with a 25-year-old guy. We have been living together for two years. When we met, I just had my daughter. So we are a small family of three.
We both work. I earn more than he does and sometimes he mentions it. But it doesn't matter to me. He wants to have his own business and he is working hard towards that.
He wants to get me pregnant but I do not allow him because I do not want to have another child out of wedlock. He told me that his mother says that he has to convince me to get pregnant for him before he marries me.
I don't believe that his mother loves me. She sees how I treat her son well. She was very ill some months ago and I took her into our house and we got a helper to stay with her while we were at work. Her son takes her everywhere she wants to go, using my car because he doesn't have any. He asked me to give him a loan to purchase a car but I refused. He is a cop and he doesn't need a car. He is a handsome guy and I wouldn't want to know that my car was being used to pick up women after work. We don't need two cars now, but he says I am mean to him.
I have a friend who bought a car and her boyfriend uses it to pick up his girls. Sometimes when she needs the car, he tells her that he has to use it. I cannot handle that. I want to do postgraduate work but, because of this man, I have decided to stay in Jamaica with him. But nothing is going on for me and I have to decide what is best. Remain with him or end the relationship?
My little girl loves him. Nothing would please her father more than to see this guy and I break up. He calls me almost every day and says that he wants me back. He is also younger than I am. I don't have anything special for younger men. It so happens that I had younger guys as my lovers, but they cause a lot of stress.
I think my boyfriend is not ready to be married and is listening to his mother's advice. If he does not make up his mind, I will find an older man. Please give me your advice.
Dear A. J.,
I don't understand the type of advice that your boyfriend's mother gave him. I know that some parents tell their sons that they should try to impregnate women before they marry them because they want to be certain that they can become pregnant. However, in your case, you have had a child. Perhaps you are correct in believing that this woman doesn't like you. You have been very good to her. On the other hand, her son is old enough to make his own decisions.
Concerning whether you should help your boyfriend to buy a car, he has not shown you any tangible reason why you should help him. You have a car and he will not use his car to earn a living. He is not a travelling officer. So why should he put himself in debt by purchasing a car? Maybe he will not use the car to run with women, but this car will surely cost money to maintain, and occasionally he may rely on you for help to maintain it.
You say you want to do postgraduate work. You should set your plans in place. Don't hold back on your education because you love a man. He may never marry you. Plus, you don't have to go to America to do your postgraduate work if such courses are offered in Jamaica. Don't allow this man to fool you. You are a grown woman. Your future is before you. This man can walk away from you at any time. As I have said before, you can lose on a man but you can't lose on education.
His mother doesn't want him to marry you. She is still holding on to her son and he is behaving as if she is giving him breast milk.