Boyfriend hiding something from me

September 18, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I have a boyfriend. We have been visiting each other. Most weekends I stay at his house. He is renting a one-room facility that has a bathroom, so we have privacy. Whenever I stay there, he doesn't want me to cook for him. He doesn't want me to use the kitchen because he is sharing the kitchen with other people.

This girl who lives in the apartment asked me if I don't know that he has another woman, and I told her no. She said he has a babymother and she comes there every Wednesday because that is her day off. She said this woman cleans his room and takes care of his clothes. I have always wondered who is taking care of his clothes and he told me that he does his own washing and ironing. However, this girl told me that it is his babymother. I believe her, even though I have never seen any sign that another woman comes here. She has never left a piece of clothes there.

Pastor, this man is smart. He gives me anything that I ask him for. I don't know how much money he earns, but he is not mean to me at all. I don't have any children, and I don't want any children right now because I am still attending school. My parents know him. I introduced him to them, so when I am not at home, they know I am with him.

Since the girl on the other side told me that he has another girl, I asked him about it and he said whoever has told me that is lying on him. I could not tell him who told me, because the woman told me that she wouldn't want him to know that I heard it from her, as her boyfriend had warned her not to say anything to me.

I have been trying my best not to get pregnant by him, and now that I was told that he has another woman, I am now more careful than ever. The lady gave me the woman's name. She said the woman is much older than him. One weekend when I went to visit him, he had rice and peas and oxtail already cooked. He said he had cooked it and left it for me. I did not want to eat it because it was the lady who had cooked for him.


I really don't know what to do. I told him that he should tell me the truth, but he said he is telling me the truth and I should not question him like that.

He is a taxi driver, but the car he is driving does not belong to him. He takes me wherever I want to go, but I don't want to have a man who is sleeping with another woman. I am afraid of disease.

I have been told that his babymother has two children, but they don't belong to him. It is hard for me to let go of this man because I don't have any profession as yet. I am still living at home. He is a nice guy. My mother is not doing well, and whenever she wants to see the doctor, he takes her. My father is a good father to me, but it is my brother and sister, who live in America who send money to help pay our bills at home. So you see, we are poor people.

The other problem I have with my boyfriend is that he likes to gamble. He is always buying the lottery. He is always hoping to hit it big. This man is 40 years old, but he does not look his age.

Since the girl told me that he has a woman, I am very unhappy. I don't know what to do. Please give me your advice. This man is planning to buy a house and he said that if I am true to him, he would marry me. I don't intend to marry him, but I can't tell him that.


Dear A.,

I doubt that this man's neighbour is lying on him. They see you as a young girl spending weekends with this man, and the neighbour is aware that he has another woman and probably feel that she has an obligation to put you on your guard, so to speak; to tell you that you should be careful. And that you are wasting your precious time with this man. The woman spoke to you, as we would say in Jamaica, woman to woman.

This man is not hard up for a woman, he has one who takes care of his clothes, his meal, etc, and then he has you, his young chick, giving him extra sex. You know what you are getting from him. Therefore, whether you are going to continue the relationship or let this man go is solely up to you. I am sure that you are thankful that he takes your mother to her doctor's appointment. It would have been costly if she had to pay taxi fare.

I am glad that your siblings are supporting their parents. I will ask you to be super careful to not allow this man to get you pregnant. But let me hurry to say that although he is helping you financially, if it is at all possible to get a part-time job, try and do so, you will be able to help yourself.


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