I know nothing about my husband’s affairs

June 09, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am a 35-year-old woman and I have been living with a man for five years. This man has a daughter, who is a doctor. She is married, yet she controls her father in every way. She pretends that she loves me, but she does not want me to get anything from her father.

Her father is 75 and she comes to see him at least twice a week, and she would never discuss anything in my presence. However, as soon as my back is turned, she would talk to him about his business. She knows everything about him, yet when I question him about anything he would say, "Grace (not her real name) knows everything." I told him that that is good, but I am his wife so I need to know as well.

I told him he should remember that I am not his helper, but his wife. He takes care of his house and he gives me money every week, but I don't know how much money he has or anything about his investments. Nothing comes to the house. Everything goes to his letterbox and to his daughter's address. Whenever I mention that it is not right for him to hide things from me, he says he is not hiding anything.

I am working, and the only thing I did was to take out an insurance policy on him, and I am the beneficiary. I don't believe that my husband trusts me. The house that we are living in belongs to him and his daughter. I am asking you for your advice.


Dear P.T.,

You have not mentioned if this man was married before and is now divorced. However, the way he is behaving, it appears to me that he had a broken marriage and was divorced and he has come to the place where he does not trust anybody.

Some divorced men, even after they have been remarried, do not open up to their present wife easily. They always hold back information from their new wife, especially if their first wife did not treat them fairly, but here is what I suggest. This man supports his house well. You are not in need of anything, so hear me: Make sure you put away part of the money he gives you each week. Put it into an account that you have. Don't spend the money that he gives you foolishly, but don't give him the impression that you want to know what he has because you are his wife and a wife needs to know as much as possible about her husband.

His daughter evidently does not trust you very much either, although she likes you very much. Maybe she believes that you are with her dad to get what you can from him.

Concerning the house, I would suggest that when your husband is in a very good mood, you raise the issue of the house to him. Make sure he is in a good mood. Tell him that you know that the present house belongs to his daughter and himself, but you would like to get a house in your own name, and you are not telling him to purchase it for you, but you would like for him to help. If he says he is not able to do so, don't argue about it; but let him know you are going to do everything in your power to buy a house.

I wish you well with this man. Take good care of him, and take good care for yourself.


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