Ex-boyfriend loved football more than me

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 and I am in love with a man who is 34. He took me away from my first boyfriend, who was not treating me well.

He was in love with football, which he played. When I wanted to see him on weekends, he didn't have any time for me. I met this other man at a football game. He introduced himself and asked me if I wanted something to eat. He bought me barbequed chicken and invited me to sit with him, so we ate together and chatted. He asked me if I was alone and I pointed out that my boyfriend was playing. Every question centred on my boyfriend. He said he didn't want to get me into trouble, so he gave me his number and told me to call him.

I called him that evening, which surprised him. I asked him if he was serious about me and he said yes, because I am a good-looking girl and I speak well. He told me that he was living with his girlfriend, but she was away for two weeks, so he could pick me up and take me to where he lives. He assured me that nothing would happen. When he picked me up a few days later, I went to his house. His mother was there. He introduced me to her and she asked if I can cook; I told her yes. Most of the time was spent with his mother in the kitchen. I asked her if she knows his girlfriend and she said "Yes, she is a very lovely girl." But she told me that they were having problems, and she wanted to know if he told me about it. I said no. She said I should not let him know that she told me.

All that time, this man was working on a car in the yard. He is a mechanic. When his mother finished cooking, she told me to call him. We had dinner and then this man took his mother to a brother who lived about two miles away. When we came back to his house, I told him that I did not tell my parents that I would be out for the night, so he should take me home. On our way, he asked if I could come back and spend the night with him. I told him yes, but I needed to pick up a few things. I had my cell phone off and when I turned it on, I realised that my boyfriend was trying to reach me. I lied that a friend was ill, so I was spending some time with her. I took up some clothes and I went with this other man. I asked him about his girlfriend. He said she is a good girl, but she wants to control his life, and she is older than him, so he doesn't think they are going to make it. I slept with this man. Early the next morning, he woke me up and told me that he had to leave for work. He gave me $6,000 and said it was to help me. I told him that I did not charge him to have sex with me, but I thanked him for the money.

This man has taken me away from my boyfriend. There was a time when I was sleeping with both of them, but this man is smoother and I can reason with him. My boyfriend curses. I am now living with this man for more than a year. I love him more and more. I am now attending HEART, studying cosmetology.

Do you think that I have done anything wrong by becoming intimate with this man?

P.D.

Dear P.D.,

It seems to me that this relationship developed very quickly. One may say that the footballer was so obsessed with football that he did not take time to be with you.

On the other hand, the older gentleman was looking for a woman and you made yourself available. Some people would say that you should not be trusted because you are a liar. When the footballer called you, you lied and told him that you were at a friend's house. You knew that it was not true.

I hope that if this man and you are going to be true to each other, you will stop lying and speak the truth. I wish you well as you do your course at HEART.

Pastor